Finding Alton Gass
From my unfathomable discovery of a 60 year old family secret to finding the truth of who my father is with it culminating in the discovering that I have a sister and extended family that I never knew.
Back in 2018, I ordered a DNA kit with Ancestry.com and when I got the results I was happy that it came back mostly Sicilian instead of Irish because I was extremely close with my Nonno and Nonna Gaglio on my mother’s side and not at all close with my Nana and Papa Feeley on my father’s side even though my grandparents lived across the street from each other off by one house.
Don’t get me wrong I had plenty of Uncles and Aunts, cousins etc. on both sides that loved me very much and I loved them. My Papa who my older siblings talk fondly of was always very sickly and in a chair with a blanket covering him when I was young. After all I was the 5th child of 6 and by that time I was born in 1959 he was 65.
The issue with my father’s family was my Nana. She didn’t like Sicilians, not at all and even to the point where it affected her relationship with her own grandchildren. And it was because of her treatment towards me I disavowed my Irish heritage for decades only to find out years later she was French Canadian... WHO KNEW!
Fast forward to March/April 2019. My sister Ann had her DNA done with Ancestery.com and there was an issue between me and her with our numbers. It was brought to my attention by my sister-in-law, Sue. We were coming up as half siblings, not full siblings.
I contacted my cousin Terry (on the Feeley side) who told me back in 2018 that I wasn’t showing up as any connection. I didn’t give it much thought at the time because I had read that cousins often only share 12% of DNA. She told me again "still no connection." I asked who else was on ancestry and she told me our cousin Janet. I searched for Janet, no luck.
After trying to absorb this shocking, earth shattering revelation while in a haze of disbelief I went back to ancestry and looked at my top dozen matches. Ancestry matches you in order of how closely related you are. I went through these top dozen people one at a time and removed everyone who I was related to on my mother's side. It left me with the following:
I emailed all four people. Charlotte was the first to respond.
Hi Charlotte,
I'm searching for relatives in the Boston, Hyde Park area from possibly your side of the family. Does anyone come to mind?
Thank you and I guess we're cousins :)
Charlotte Gass
Mar 30, 2019
Hi- I'm not sure of any Boston connection- and the surnames listed are not familiar, I'm sorry :(
Thanks Charlotte, unfortunately I have no idea who my biological father is and you and a few others are as close as I can get as second cousin. Hopefully someone will take the DNA test and help me connect the dots. Thanks for getting back to me.
Warren "Alton" Gass's hometown, Natchitoches Louisiana
Then I called an older family member and asked why does my DNA results show that I'm not a Feeley. The answer would change so many things. I was told about a sailor nicknamed "Gass" it was also his last name and they also called him Al. When the name Gass was mentioned, my first thought was of Charlotte, her last name was Gass.
Not long after that Cracusin emailed me back:
Connie" Kit" Gass, Ancestry user name: Cracusin
Apr 10, 2019
Elbert Gass was my daddy's older brother. My daddy was the baby of the family and born in 1919. There was a sister, Aunt Pearl. Their mother was Rosa Holland Gass and she was married to John W. Gass born in 1889. My dad was also John W. Gass......
She would give me a breakdown of her family from her to her grandparents. Another connection to the Gass family but she didn't know any Allen, Al or Albert Gass.
Charlotte had also asked her father Gregory and he didn't recall any family members named Al Gass that served in the Navy.
I asked Charlotte and Kit if they knew Cimanee or John H Goins, the other two people in my top tier that are related to me. Kit said she thought she heard the name but couldn't recall. Charlotte told me Cimanee was her Aunt Cindi whose maiden name was Gass. So three out of my top four on my father's side were all from the Gass family and Cimanee (Cindi) was more closely related to me than Charlotte going by the cM numbers. This gave me a direction when searching the family tree.
Ancestry.com has plenty of helpful video's that teach you how to search and after watching several by Crista Cowan, "The Barefoot Genealogist", I had some tools to help me figure out who my father was. She had mentioned in one of her videos that if she had 2nd cousins it would take her about 20 minutes to figure the entire thing out. That gave me enough incentive to dig in and commit as many hours as necessary to try and solve who my father was.
Left to right: Me (Paul Feeley), my sister Ann and my brother Jacky
One of the web sites I used was the Shared cM Project 3.0 Tool v1 at https://dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcm It's a simple process, you input the cM number Ancestry assigns to your close match and it gives you back a list of their possible relation to you.
I first input Charlotte's 223 cM number.
Now with this information I can assume Charlotte, because of her age, is not my Great Aunt, Half Great Aunt, or Half Great Great Aunt, and the same on the other end, Half Great Niece, Half Great Great Niece, etc. In fact, at this time I'm ruling out all Half of anything. If I'm wrong down the line I can come back. It leaves me with this.
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Next I input Cindi's 421 cM. along with all the considerations from before and again keeping in mind her age which I may have gotten from her birth record that I found on Ancestry. Because she's closer related than Charlotte the options are less, cut in half in fact.
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Now I had to understand how 1st cousin once removed and 2nd cousins all worked. It's confusing but after a half dozen times and a few mistakes, I searched the family tree one tier too high before I realized I miscalculated. I finally got it, at least until tomorrow when I'll forget it again. A great video that explains the relationship of cousins can be found at https://www.livescience.com/32121-whats-a-second-cousin-vs-a-first-cousin-once-removed.html?jwsource=em
Cindi is my 1st cousin once removed and Charlotte is my 2nd cousin and with that knowledge Cindi's father, Charlotte's grandfather, Jakie Roy Gass was my grandfathers brother. What a revelation.
Obviously my father wasn't Cleveland, he died in childbirth. And it wasn't Clarence because he was born the same year as my mother and I was told Al Gass was younger than my mother. I did consider him for a while as a candidate for my father if the Half numbers had worked but he had a white spot of hair on his head and his nickname was Cotton. The older family member didn't remember any white spot or the nickname Cotton and said it didn't look like the person they remembered.
I searched the children of the remaining brothers and that's when I found Warren "Alton" Gass and I knew many Southerners went by their middle name. My heart sank because I had figured the chance of finding my father alive was 50/50 but to find Alton in his Navy uniform, pictured on his gravestone to have died at such a young age was heart breaking.
I called my wife into the room and she took one look at Alton and said, "That's him, that's your father". I told her I had to look at the numbers to make sure it all worked out and her response was, "No, you don't". The resemblance was striking.
I copied his picture and sent it over to the older family member and they confirmed he was the sailor I was looking for but they didn't think his hair was red. I told them it's probably a black and white photo that was colored in and now it's weathered and just has the appearance of being red.
It only took me a couple of weeks to unravel the mystery of who my father is but I had a lot of help. The older family member, for remembering what they did and Charlotte for helping with answers and her family tree. Connie for confirming the Gass connection. And now John H. Goins, for further cementing my father as Alton. Alton's mother's maiden name was Goins.
Warren Alton Gass 1939-1964
Part 2
Finding Brenda Safarik
The picture of my father's tombstone led me to his grave site at Coldwater Cemetery in Hagewood, Louisiana. Their web site had names attached to each person buried there. Under Alton's name I found this information:
Father of Brenda Ann Gass Safrik!!! My father had been married to Patsy Lawrence and they had a daughter named Brenda. I wondered if she was still alive, after all 55 years had passed.
I first started checking Facebook and found a few Brenda Safriks although the spelling was slightly altered, Safarik. I left private messages for each one explaining who I was and who I was looking for.
Next, I checked the obituaries and although I didn't find a Brenda Safarik, I did find a Carl J. Safarik and under "survived by" it read: "one son, Karel Wesley Safarik and his wife Brenda of Vienna, Missouri. I had a name and a location.
I tried looking up a phone number, but what numbers I found didn't work. I did find an address, but google maps didn't show anything more than a roof to a house. There was no street view because it was so rural.
I did find a web page for the city of Vienna Missouri on Facebook and somewhere along the line I read there were only 600 people that lived in the town. I wrote the following message to whom ever was the admin for the Facebook page.
The women who answered me on Facebook contacted Brenda and later that night on my Facebook Messenger app there was an incoming phone call and the name read Brenda Safarik. I had to get out of bed and by the time I went downstairs to my family room to answer it she had hung up. I called her back.
Now I don't remember the exact conversation but I'm sure it went something like this.
Me: Hi is this Brenda Safarik?
Brenda: Yes, whats this all about?
Me: Is your father Alton Gass, the sailor who passed away in 64 at the age of 25?
Brenda: Yes, why?
Me: Well, ummmm... I'm your brother.
Brenda: Is this a joke?
We would talk for quite some time that night and the next day and the day after and the day after that and on and on. We had a lot of catching up to do.
Not long after our introduction, Brenda did something that still baffles the mind and borders on the unbelievable. She sent me pictures from our father's photo album she had kept for some 50 years and in the photo album were pictures of my mother with Alton. Pictures with my older siblings in them, my childhood home. Absolutely amazing pictures. Brenda had no idea who the strangers were.
Recently I was at my Uncle Sammy's daughter's wedding. My Uncle is the last of my mother's siblings left, he's 80. I mentioned to him what I was dealing with and he said he was sorry and then he went on to tell me he and my father Alton served together on the USS Antietam. I wasn't expecting any of this information and once again, when I think I had it figured out, it takes a massive turn.
He told me the ship was docked in the South Boston Navy Annex from early March 1958 to middle/late July of the same year while it was being overhauled. He told me he was buddies with Alton and Alton's friend George Maddux, two finer Louisiana boys you couldn't meet.
He also told me he introduced Alton to my mother at a house party.
The USS Antietam docked in South Boston Naval Annex May of 1958. Warren "Alton" Gass served on the USS Antietam along with my Uncle Sammy Gaglio.
Part 3
Meeting
Wes & Brenda Safarik
Brenda and her husband Wes arrived on Friday night around 11:00 pm and seeing them in person was just wonderful. Brenda joked "this better not get mushy" in a text before she arrived so I was sure to keep it light and welcoming.
I'm not positive the order of how the events unfolded but I'll put them in the order I think they happened. After meeting each other, we came into the house and sat at the table and she pulled out Alton's photo album, high school year book, his wallet, and a few other things that she had kept for 50 years. One of those things was a picture of Alton that she brought for me to keep. I'm calling it Alton Sinatra (for obvious reasons).
He was a real "Cut Up" in grade school. ~ Classmate I spoke to on Facebook
Cutup defined: is an informal word for someone who's known for being a jokester or prankster—someone who's funny and also probably a bit mischievous.
The next morning we got up early and Judy planned a big breakfast. After breakfast, our first trip was to the Hyde Park section of Boston. Brenda wanted to see the house where the pictures of our father were taken so many years ago. A lot has changed at the house, especially the wall which was heavily damaged during the 60's because the intersection was notorious for car accidents. Today there are four corner stop signs making it safe.
I introduced Wes and Brenda to my sister Kathy who still lives in the house on Huntington Ave.
If you look down the hallway you'll notice ornaments hanging from the header of the entrance. One is a Stanley Cup. Wes said, "We have one of those, only bigger"
After Hyde Park it was on to Readville to introduce Brenda and Wes to more family. Sammy was someone she wanted to meet because he was buddies with our father.
Sammy gave us more nuggets of information by telling us Alton had returned to Hyde Park after September of 59. Which is after I was born, so there is a possibility that he saw his son.
After enjoyable visits at both locations it was back home for a little rest and more picture -taking before we headed off to Cape Cod to cap the night at Pisces in Chatham and introduce them to my sister Ann and her wife Sue.
Next stop Pisces.
We stopped into Pisces to introduce everybody and then we headed to the rental house around the corner to relax before our big meal. After a short stay at the house, it was back to Pisces for our 6:30 reservations.
After we sat and ordered drinks, our waitress Ginny brought over a Cajun appetizer they were running as a special that night in Brenda's honor. What a wonderful touch that made her face light up.
The appetizer was delicious, it's amazing how they can pack so much flavor into everything they make. I got Wes to try the mussels and for payback I have to try the craw fish when I visit Missouri. Do they take rain checks in Missouri :)
Dinner couldn't have been any better, we had awesome food, awesome company and just an awesome time. Everyone loved their meal and the hospitality at the restaurant is second to none. Of course Judy and I are biased and after that evening I'm sure Wes and Brenda are too.
After that, it was back to Bridgewater and everybody crashed after a long day.
The next day we had planned to go the tourist route and go into Boston and see all the sights, but after a full day on Saturday, we decided to just relax and hang around the house. Judy left to go watch our grandson Connor and we made plans to join her later that day.
Around noon they decide they wanted to test the local pizza cuisine so we got the best pizza in town, Jays Flying Pizza (no airplanes are involved). The pizza is made out in the garage. I'm thinking they've been there so long they're grandfathered in on every health law.
A few hours later, we headed over to meet up with Judy and the baby. Our daughter Susan and her partner Caitlin were going to meet us there.
It was a great visit for all involved. It couldn't have turned out any better. My sister and her husband are wonderful, loving people and all the family they met couldn't have been more welcoming.
Part 4
Visiting Natchitoches
Spring 2023
I was finally able to take a trip I've been wanting to take since my NPE discover. Surreal doesn't describe it. Visited my father's grave and you really get a sense of how small the community is by the size of the grave yard behind the church.
Met my cousin Mark in person, long overdue, at the local IHop and had a wonderful time, such a wonderful cousin. Before leaving he had something he wanted to give me as a gift and I was left speechless, and anyone who knows me knows that's hard to do. :) The gift was a 70th anniversary Fender Esquire guitar, Mark's a collector. Such a wonderful gift. Needless to say excepting cousins or any excepting family for that matter hold a special place in an NPE's heart. Oh and BTW, my cousin's back in Boston, I'm expecting them to really pick up their game :)
Part 5
Traveling to Missouri
April 23rd, 2024
It was a long time in waiting due to Covid and house construction but when we finally went it was such a wonderful, emotional time meeting the children, grandchildren, and friends of my sister Brenda and brother-in-law Wes. ❤️❤️❤️
We ate and we ate a lot. My kind of people. I tried the catfish, crappie, shrimp, pork, desserts, and most importantly the jambalaya, which was painstakingly prepared by Wes.
To say people with Lousisanna in their blood have a pallet that enjoys heat, "Becasue it brings out the flavor" is an understatement. But being a pasta baby my entire life I really do understand the sentiment. Just remember their shrimp cocktail sauce isn't like New England's cocktail sauce. ~Fire~
PS - I plan on returning (they've been warned).
Just a few closing words.
There are several people not mentioned on this web site who helped, welcomed me, offered support etc. along the way. They know who they are and I'm forever grateful. Obviously, anyone who is involved in having their world turned on it's head has to deal with a lot of feelings and I would hope if someday you get the unexpected call from out of the blue and there's a sibling on the other end of the line that you didn't know existed, you would at the very least be kind. Remember they're innocent in all of this. Of course, if they ask to borrow money, I'd say wrong number :)
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Misc stuff...
Hopefully using Photoshop software to combine the two pictures on the left to make the picture on the right gives an accurate picture of Alton.
The science of DNA doesn't change but overtime the outcome gets adjusted as they add more regions. You'll see some differences from the first time I got tested in 2018 to the latest update early 2020. Also my results aren't typical. I have some well traveled DNA :)
NPE Stories Podcast.
My story is number #61
Please check out Lilly's podcast, it's a favorite of mine and countless other NPE's.
Woodford County vs Melissa Goings murder trial.
Abraham Lincoln told a story of his client,
who killed her husband with a stick while he was strangling her.
In today's Illinois, this would be a clear-cut case of self-defense.
What were Mrs. Goings' chances in court in the 1840s
As mentioned on NPE Stories #61 podcast.
FamilySearch notified me that I'm related to George Washington.
Now this isn't verified but they do show the relationship connection and it comes with the understanding that we're all related somewhere down the line.
According the FamilySearch Old George is my 3rd cousin 8 times removed.
I should be allowed to a sleepover in the White House :)